Veni, Vidi, and f***ed off

I did say that I would keep you posted on my cyber-searches for a potential boyfriend/lover/friend - or something in between. And as you remember, I did have huge reserves about the whole thing, (understandably so) and my friend Blue even told me that "Internet meeting was for guys who wanted to have to have sex with you without having to buy you a drink", which I thought was very funny, yet, so disturbingly accurate. But something happened over the weekend that I want to share with you. You might find it rather amusing.

About two years ago, when I gave this Internet dating (yet) another chance, I came across some British guy named **** (Yep, I'm a sucker for brits what can I say - Bridges was seduced at first handle, which was, if I remember correctly, something like "cool_bloke" or "normal_bloke" anyway something with bloke in it, which made it clear to me that we indeed were confronted with some guy from the UK. The picture he posted on line was a graduation picture; there he was, looking very "graduated", with the square hat (how do you call these again?) and diploma in hand. "OK, I thought, looks interesting." So I chatted a little bit online with him, he wanted to see a picture of me, which is legitimate, so I sent the one my editor uses on publicity communiqués, which is a close up of my face, looking all very intellectual, yet, sexy, as marketing should be. :) "You're hot, he said, but then, he added, do you have another one? Why did he want another one.... he wants to make sure I'm who I say I am is what I thought. OK...he was charming, but something told me this guy was dodgy. But I looked for another picture anyway in my computer drive, and quickly found one of me in England, where I was wearing sunglasses and leather jacket in a village somewhere, and sent it to him. "I can't see your face properly he said, send me another one. "What's the point, I said. You have 2 already! Why would you want another one? I was getting pissed off. "Well, he added, I want to see if you're fuckable or not." You have to keep in mind this conversation was taking place in an MSN chat box.

As you can imagine, I told him to go screw himself, and deleted him from my contacts, blocked him, and deleted my whole Internet dating profile, completely disgusted. This guy was acting all suave and charming all the while acting like a complete asshole and not trying to conceal it; not even at least until the first date! No, he was a true wanker from the start. Cyber creep easily uncovered, easily deleted. That was the end of my cyber-dating antics, two years ago.

Saturday morning, when I logged in my MSN account, I noticed I had about 12 new messages. That was a bit surprising, since I almost never use that account. There was a message from a girl I didn't know, and it was "sent to all" to about 50 other e-mail addresses, which many had the word "sexy" or "lady" or "girl" in it. Here are some bits of it: "Open Letter to A*** R****A*, It was a pleasure to have met you after our chat on Plenty of Fish (al-21). However, after meeting you..and from my experience, I could spot a RAT immediately. You would be that rat. Although you say you are 'becoming' unattached, from the emails following, it would appear that is not the case at all. (...)"What the ??? I thought. Who is this A*** R***? I took me a while, but after reading the message, I remembered the British creep from a while back.You certainly have a lot of women, willingly and stupidly having sex with you ---J*****, you really should make Alan wear a little wetsuit next time! As you can see, you are not the only girl he has screwed. This is only a sampling of emails from women and the like--I simply did not have the time to send them all. Pay particular attention to the dates and times of the emails. For example, in one day..."And then she goes on about Mr. What's his face's goings-on. This woman HACKED his email account, went through it, uncovered his nasty ways, then, made it public by sending ALL of it to ALL the addresses in his account (and somehow my address was still in there - go figure) I didn't bother reading all of it (because there was a shite load, let me tell ya) a real CYBER-JERRY SPRINGER SHOW!!! Very, very trashy.I thought that was very funny. Especially that I wasn't involved in any way in the "scandal"... The only un-funny part, is all the women who had their private messages sent to people they didn't know! I felt bad for the women involved, some of the messages were pretty raunchy!!! BUT...that guy is a creep, and he got what he deserved... That was my opinion anyway. But that's not the funniest part!After these messages were sent to all, other messages came in...from angry, pissed-off women who had tasted Mr. what's his face's medicine and had a bone to pick with him who were clearly rejoicing about what was happening to the British creep."A*, try pulling the computer out of your ass -- you know, the one that your girlfriend *** probably shoved up it. Jerk." "What comes around goes around." "As well, when you are acting like a jerk, you should know you're going to end up with a knife in the back! Hell hath no fury..."The guy involved in this mess, the infamous A***, sent an apologetic message to all trying to discredit the mysterious sender-ess, saying "I have been the victim of a hacker to my email account and all emails (approximately 2 years worth) have been removed. This included personal emails from friends as well as bank account /credit card information. The person responsible has then distributed both my mail and edited text to all of you as well as other false information..." Yeah right.... edited text.... Talk about trying to cover your ass in the dead of winter.... :)I feel sorry for the women who had personal info divulged, really. I am SOOOOO not sorry for that asshole. Turns out this guy's a cop. As the voice of the original Fred Flintstone would say, "Yabadaba-fuckin-doo." Makes all women around feel safe and secure when they fantasize about men in uniforms.As for me, well, my cyberdating days are over. I deleted everything like a mad woman, telling myself "WHAT THE FUCK DID I THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN????" I'm absolutely terrorized about it now! No way I'm ever trying that again...I'll stick to good ol' chance meetings from now on...Excuse me while I go hide under the covers and thank my sixth sense AND my University education for my intuition...