Translation humour

A file to translate was sent to me today, with the ASAP mention on it, just a very little file, one of those less than 100 words that I can do in basically no time at all. It did, however, stimulate my (graphic) imagination skills as well as my litterary skills. As a translator, you always have to understand what the text is all about, and when you do marketing, you have to get the grasp of what the product actually is and what it does so you can "capture the essence" better and make it easily decipherable to the readers. This particular product gave me a hard time (pardon the pun) figuring it out. It's a...well...marketing text for a "pharmaceutical" product. See for yourself :

"XXXXX’s lubrication enhances personal intimacy and sexual pleasure, as well as relieves dryness. (OK, we know what they're talking about here....) XXXXX uses a unique pumping system for no-mess, no-spill lubrication in any direction" er....what??? are we still talking about lubrication or did they mix up their bodily fluids here? Lubrication in any direction? Meaning....No spills of lubricant in the area WHERE you put the lubricant, or around the unique pumping system?...or....a unique pumping system for a no-spill LUBRICANT USAGE CONSEQUENCE in any direction? Huh? Now that's an infomercial I want to see. I thought about making it funny for the French readers, but in the end, my professional conscience won. It's a shame though, don't you think? :)