Monday, December 29, 2008
HAPPY and PEACEFUL new year, humbugs !
The Holidays always make me feel like an alien - everyone is getting ready to have guests over, buying gifts like mad people, and talking about the Holiday spirit - which is supposed - or so I hear - to make you feel warm and fuzzy all over and send good thoughts through the cosmos and bring everyone together - Amen. I for one struggle like hell (and I'm not the only one - if I look carefully around, there are more people trying to cope with this time of the year than there are who are actually enjoying it) to get through it - My ex-husband and I share the school holidays period over Christmas and New year's, and the kids are with him for about a week. During that period, I try to go away on vacation - which worked out fine last year when I escaped on a carribean cruise and had a wonderful, melancholy-free time - but this year, I had to take a trip in early November, not so long after by beau and I broke up, and did enjoy the time off, but in a state of mind that kept me from being "fully" there - if that makes any sense. I did get to meet lots of people, but in the end, I spent alot of time on my own and lots of time sleeping to the rythms of the ocean - and so I have to face the reality of my aversion for the Holiday period, all because it just makes me plain sad, and when I'm sad, I get self-destructive. I over-eat, over-drink, and put myself in all kinds of precarious situations - not good for a girl who usually takes good care of herself the rest of the year. So for all the single gals in the same situation - feeling painfully alone in this period - especially temporarily kidless single mums - Hang in there. Soon the kids will be back, friends will start calling again, and things will fall back into place - At least that's what I tell myself. My best wishes for 2009, and may the new year bring you peace and happiness - with a strong emphasis on PEACE.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 11:50 AM 107 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Panick attack
I think my wall is just about to fall apart - Someone just might have seen right through it.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 10:30 AM 0 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Ranking update
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 2:09 PM 2 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges
Sunday, September 23, 2007
How to kiss a neighbor
Over the past few months, I got to know him better, and grew quite fond of him. I always had a thing for loveable tortured types. Last Friday, I bumped into him as I was taking out the recycling bins. We chatted a bit, and, what the hell, I invited him over to watch a movie later on, when the kids would be asleep. Bring some booze, I said, and a stupid movie. We can just get pissed and laugh at the TV. Sounds like a plan, I'll see you later then, he said.
At 9h30 he knocked on the door, with beer in one hand and School for scoundrels in the other. Perfect, I said. I'll make popcorn, you open the beer.We snuggled up on the couch, watched a bit of the movie, laughed at how bad it was, drank beer, and chatted a little. I talked about how difficult it was to meet sensitive men; he talked about how he had no idea about anything that had to do with dating. He's not ready, he said. He seemed terrified about the whole concept of being with somebody else. I wanted to hug him and to stroke his hair. I told him he should have no problem meeting someone new, he was so attractive, intelligent, and funny. (Attractive, intelligent, and funny....hum....) You know Arthur...I really want to kiss you right now. He looked at me for a few seconds, not too sure about what to answer. It's not a good idea, he said. We're neighbours. Oh, I said. Then we looked at each other for a while. Tell me again why it's not a good idea?
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 7:44 PM 0 people had something to say
Labels, love Bridges' life snippets, Candid Bridges
Friday, September 21, 2007
Defensive counter measures, part I

Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 9:52 AM 0 people had something to say
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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Honey pots & misplaced wrinkles

-Bonjour Good morning bureau du Dr. Chose /Dr. So-and-so's office puis-je vous aider can I help you
-Yes, I would like to make an appointment with Dr. So-and-so, I -
-How far are you in your pregnancy?
-Oh, I'm not pregnant, I just need an annual PAP smear and prevention tests...you know... To see if everything is under control in the honey pot area -
- (big sigh of exasperation) We do not accept new patients unless you are 12 weeks pregnant… for follow-ups....you can call Dr. what's-her-face; she will give you an appointment. The number is......
Click.
Try again. Other call at Dr. What's-her-face, different bored overworked receptionist answers.
-Yes, I would like to make an appointment with Dr. What's-her-face for an annual check-up, I...
-Our soonest availability is in March 2009...Would you like me to put your name on the list?
-Er...I’m willing to pay…I just want to have an exam done!
-Sorry…March 2009 is the sooner we have. We might have a cancellation at some point though, but we follow our list of patients –
-How many people on the list, miss?
-Um…
-Never mind.
Click again. March 2009. Enough said.
I'm not even exaggerating. Ask any woman in need of a PAP smear in Quebec, they will all tell you the same thing: gynecologists have become a rare breed indeed. So what's a resourceful Canadian girl to do when the Quebec health care system simply doesn’t work? Well, simple. Hop in her car and drive for hours to jump the fence to Ontario, where gynecologists seem to accept your money and are therefore available for honey pot concerns that don't involve giving birth to another baby. Thank God for that.
So. Yesterday morning, I was on my way to small town Ontario, where a male gynecologist would help me achieve my goal of becoming the true health responsible woman that I am. (At least for today.) I have to say, I did not quite expect this in a gyno’s office.
The Dr.'s office is in a little bungalow, not too far from a reasonably sized regional hospital. The waiting room is furbished with nice leather couches and a big plasma screen. Big difference with public health service doctors where you have to wait on ordinary waiting room chairs. I talk to the receptionist, she tells me to have a seat, the Dr. will be right with me. I sit down and look around. A few artwork pieces representing pregnant woman are lying around. While I was waiting for the Dr. to call my name, a few glowing women with round bellies walked past, some of them alone, some of them with their partners. Anything but normal in a gynecologist's office. I stop looking around and pay attention to the plasma screen. An infomercial-type program was on; it seemed to be the only thing playing on it. On the infomercial, beautiful "older" women were talking about how good they were feeling now, and all of a sudden, video segment, before and after pictures, cue to the woman being lustily looked at in restaurants, at the office. She's happy, she's laughing, she had Botox injections and she's saying, hence the publicity slogan, that she did it "For three good reasons. Me, myself and I". I then noticed a huge cardboard sign in the back of the waiting room. Restylane...define yourself...in 10 by 4 panels...God...you couldn't avoid it...I caught myself looking in a little mirror I have in my purse. Wrinkles. All over my face. I was ghastly. All of a sudden I felt old, very old, and by the obvious looks of it, I needed to be facially depleted. It seemed so simple; an injection here, an injection there, take off years from your face, takes 15 minutes to do, who cares if it costs 350 dollars every 3 to 4 months and that it's made of BACTERIA; you can't put a price on female bliss, no? Every woman should do it, right? Injecting bacteria in your body is a good idea, right? Y’a rien là!
May I remind you that I am in a gynecologist's office, surrounded by pregnant women who are told to avoid everything but the kitchen sink (and I’m sure a soon-to-be published study will prove that indeed, the kitchen sink may cause harm to the unborn fetus) to protect the baby to come? Promoting cosmetology to women who are and will be going through the most body-deforming episode in a few months? Am I the only one who thinks these two "health" services don't quite fit together?
I snapped out of it when the smiling doctor called my name.
In the doctor's office I was quickly brought back to reality. A million things were going through my mind as I was laying on the table, feet in stirrups, trying to ignore the fact that some man I never met was scraping the inside of my cervix with a metal thingy whilst making small talk. Will I die of some new form of mutated STD? (Hypochondriac episode) Why is ovulation still so painful at 35? Why am I still irregular after giving birth twice? (PMS is brutal) Do I want to have my fallopian tube tied-up? (No way am I having another kid, shop is closed, thank you) Do I need to have my dislodged IUD removed? (Good memories. Smile to self) My labia minora was slightly torn because of an incompetent beautician a few weeks ago; still ouch. (That’ll teach me to have a Brazilian bikini wax done in some upper-class spa; go figure) Occasional unprotected sex…oops... (It happens) Oh my god, he's going to tell me how irresponsible I am with my honey pot!
Nope. Instead, he emerges from under the sheet, smiling. Everything seems normal; you will have your results in a few weeks, if anything comes up. Now, about those wrinkles on your forehead - did you know that I also offer cosmetology services - I could make those lines disappear in no time!
There's a fine line between taking care of female bits appropriately - and manipulating vulnerable women into thinking that they need to shed 350 $ to become “hot” again – I can imagine a convention of private enterprise male gynecologists, laughing it up – Listen guys! They have their legs spread out in the open and a metal stick up their &*?%; they’re bound to be attentive! We can push (pardon the pun) our new products in a very convincing manner…Sure - quite the new marketing-to-women twist, no? Pretty efficient, I have to say - your audience is quite captive - I mean - could we be more vulnerable than naked, legs wide-open and in stirrups with somebody scraping our cervix? Why don't you sell me a new car while you're at it dude - and why not - some lipo treatment, a cruise to the islands, new shoes for the kids - At this moment I would agree to whatever you're saying, I'm kinda at your mercy! And I don't like it!
I asked myself this question on the way back home.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 3:12 PM 0 people had something to say
Labels, love Bridges' life snippets, Candid Bridges
Monday, July 16, 2007
Unworn lingerie
Now it's mostly about not starving to death; when you're hungry there is no need to set up the table, you just go to the fridge and pig out until you get your fill. Every woman knows that when she gets hungry, she tends to eat whatever she can get her hands on. I don't know about you, but hey, that's what's been happening to me for the last two years. No need to set up the table. A bit sad, really.
Meanwhile, I keep filling up my closet with lovely, sexy lingerie that I know will serve its purpose in the future :). And if not, then I will just have to organize a lingerie party where the girls get to wear all that new lingerie still gathering dust in their closets. We'll just have to make up our own audience!
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 2:28 PM 0 people had something to say
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Wednesday, July 11, 2007
What am I, a volunteer call girl?

Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 2:57 PM 3 people had something to say
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Thursday, June 21, 2007
Letter to Munich - Yes, you!
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 2:03 PM 0 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges, Letters to remember
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Picking your friends
My friend S., who is about 10 years younger than me, gorgeous, spunky, quirky, funny, gets ALL the guys. I mean, all of them. They all want her, they all want to be with her, touch her, talk to her. She gets numerous phone calls throughout the day; she has men knocking on her door to see how she is; clients from the office "randomly" stopping by her desk. And yet, she says men are all assholes, that we shouldn't want/need any of them, because, you know, they suck. All of them, she says. Yet, she continues to smile, chat, and answer calls in a cheerful disposition.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 10:49 PM 0 people had something to say
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Monday, April 23, 2007
Missing apects of yourself

(AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!!! BRIDGES! BUT DECEMBER IS SO CLOSE!!! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT!!!)
I know. Chances are I will blow the deadline. I have been working as a translator around 26 hours a week for a year now, in the hopes of having more time to work on my mémoire....but you know what; it's just not happening. I have many excuses, of course, but when I say them out loud whilst standing in front of a mirror, they just don't cut it. I know that I have been putting it aside wilfully because, well, I'm a bit lazy (Single-mother/translator/house owner, you know, you tend to be on your ass a lot) and to be honest, this distance between me and my work grows more distant every day, and it's very draining to get back into that mood again, especially whilst being so far away from university, colleagues, and incentives to keep working. No, instead, I have been writing, of course, how can I ever stop writing, but not what I should have been. I have to get back into it, and fast. Time is running out!
I need to be fed literary things; conversations, lectures, discussions...To be honest, I think I desperately need a mentor, somebody to kick Bridges' arse a little. Somebody to challenge me, to check up on me.
It's close to impossible being so far from my alma mater... This week, the Blue Metropolis festival is on in Montreal; it's my favourite lit event; activities go on in French and in English, and it suits me to a tee. I wish I were over there as we speak...
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 9:38 AM 2 people had something to say
Labels, love Bridges moments of clarity, Candid Bridges
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Romancing the california stud-muffin, part II

So there, it was morning, I was on the balcony and loving every minute of it. The warm wind, the sound of the waves, the privacy (people couldn't see you from anywhere, unless they were in another ship crossing us). I could just imagine myself naked, laying on the mattress, feeling the motion of the ocean. "That's it" I told Dorothy. "I'm sleeping here tonight." I looked at the mattress, it was a single of course, and I mentally fitted it on the balcony. "Perfect" I thought. This will be a night to remember. Of course, I had a lusty little plan in mind. I had to lure my california stud-muffin back to my cabin.
The day went about on the ship and I didn't see him for the whole day. I almost forgot about him, there was about a hundred hunky men on that boat, especially crew men walking around in their uniforms, pardon my drool, but that night, at dinner, I saw him looking at me from accross the room. (ooooo pardon that romantic cliché...now, in a low-tone voice...Their eyes met accross the room...at that moment.... they knew....they knew...) I knew at that moment I just had to have him again. I couldn't help it; he was just so...so...edible! Must have been the carribean air. Or the rocking of the boat. Or maybe my lusty plan just got the better of me. You have to admit it; it was, indeed, a very good plan.
That night at the disco, we didn't dance for long. I saw my roommate Dorothy, surrounded by horny boys, gushing and smiling, having a good time, and decided this was the time to act. Quickly, I grabbed him by the hand, and took him out of there, to my cabin, and out on the balcony. "Make yourself useful sweetie" I told him, wanking the mattress out to the balcony, and throwing all the covers and the pillows in his face. He just looked at me and smiled. "So , I guess we're sleeping out there tonight!" "Not if I can help it!" I said, cheekily.
I don't know what it was, but let me tell you, this was the most fun I had in a long, long time. We both couldn't stop saying "wow...this is great...." my california lover was speechless : "what's the word for this....what's the word..." "R-O-M-A-N-T-I-C" I said. "You're right." he replied. "It's very romantic." Then, he held me in his arms. His skin was so warm. The moon was shining, the stars were as bright as ever, the waves were swooshing, the wind was caressing our naked bodies, and then, then, it happened.
He rolled over and started snoring like a freight train.
At that point, I thought it was cute. Even after I tried to wake him up by poking him, tickling him, crying out his name loudly, hitting him with the pillow. Nothing could wake him up. Oh well. I took one of the pillows and stuck it over his face. I checked on him periodically during the night to see if he was still breathing. I was smiling throughout the night. That just tells you the kind of mood I was in.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 11:28 PM 0 people had something to say
Labels, love Adventures in dating, Candid Bridges
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Bridges kicked off the pedestal
Thought I'd share this with you.
Today, I left the office @ 12 h 30 in a rush, just in time to avoid making a complete fool of myself in front of all the weirdos who work there. (Yes, I know I'm part of them) I am having a bit of a nervous breakdown, to say the least. It hasn't happened to me in a while, but today, it hit. Hard.
A downer. A depressive wave.
Yeah, one of those.
Before collapsing in a pool of tears for no apparent reason, Bridges logged out her computer, walked diligently to her bosse's office, said she wasn't feeling well, and calmly walked out of there. In the elevator, down from the 5th to the first, through the opening doors, then rushing to her car. She drove back home like a mad woman, trying not to give in to the wave that was hitting her. Tears obstructed her view, but she knew the way pretty well. Plus, there was a whole box of kleenex next to her so she could wipe her snotty face. Disproportioned thoughts ran through her mind as she was zooming across the Champlain bridge : The gorgeous RCMP officer from Nova-Scotia she had snuggled to over the weekend who wasn't calling her back; her kids away for the whole week; her thesis that was left behind a few weeks ago; her crappy documents that revisors covered in red. And purple. And green. And him.
Mr. Fuckface.
As soon as she got home, Bridges ran upstairs, took the phone in her hands, jumped into bed and frantically dialed the number. What time is it in England now? She thought. Who cares. He'll pick up.
-Why did you leave - why are you such an idiot - why aren't you coming back - why don't you love me - WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LOVE ME???
-I don't know-I don't know - I can't - I do love you - You're the greatest person in the world, I...
Bridges smashed the cordless phone against the wall in a fit of rage.
Then she cried for two whole hours, until she had to stop out of exhaustion. She then got painfully out of bed, still sobbing, then came down the stairs. Bridges sat in front of her computer and started writing. Anything, really. Anything to forget she had just made a fool out of herself, to...herself.
I wish somebody could make me some tea.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 2:52 PM 2 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
In short, Valentine's day.
On my way to work this morning, I had to stop half-way. Due to a severe snow storm, still going on in the middle of the afternoon, it took me 20 minutes to accomplish a distance of approximately 30 feet. So I bailed. Screw this shit. I went to have breakfast at Dainty's and got to work 1 hour late. I'd rather spend 30 minutes in a lame restaurant than in my car, raging against God-all-mighty. I was late, but managed to still be in a relatively good mood.
Today is the 4th anniversary of my divorce. To me, Valentine's day has somewhat of a bittersweet taste. To be honest, it makes me sick. I hate these little tacky decorations from the dollar store, I hate heart-shaped chocolate boxes, I hate reruns of When Harry met Sally.
Four years ago. Freedom, ah, yes; freedom, oh, Lord oh Lord, what have I done.
To be honest, I'd rather live a love story than to write about it, and I'd rather write about a broken heart than to have one.
Happy V-day lovelies; may your day be filled with maraschino cherries and red silky underwear.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 2:49 PM 2 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges
Sunday, February 04, 2007
The cyber-return of the prodigual ex-boyfriend
What do you do when, after spending one year crying and trying to get over the love of your life leaving you stranded in a house you both bought together, he calls you up one Monday afternoon to tell you "Nothing compares to you" and "I was never as happy as when I was with you?"
This ex-boyfriend is in England right now. He still owns half of the house we bought, renovated, and lived in together. He left me & my kids in it, on a whim, on a cold March morning last year, in a state of emergency to bugger off, to put it lightly. Of course, I was devastated, dumbstruck, and absolutely crushed. It took me close to a year to get over it. I made the most of it, learning to appreciate Ottawa, even though this city is hard to love. I made friends, contacts, I started off my career as a translator, establishing clients abroad, some in England, some in New-York, all the while working for a governmental Agency, here in Ottawa. I think I have strived through adversity, depression, and most of all, a profound sense of treason.
I got over it
I made it through
Like tons of people learning to cope with heartbreak
I recovered
And learned to armour my heart for this never to happen again
I have no desire to go through that again, as you can imagine. Nobody wants to relive the pain of a broken heart, especially if it's been broken by the same person, twice!
This person, this British guy that my friends and I affectionately called fuckface for a year, given the circumstances, called me up to tell me "Nobody understands me like you do" "everything is so bland without you" and all the things a broken-hearted woman longs to hear after a year of heartache. My guess is he was poking around to see if he still had a place to go....Trouble is, after one year, I've moved on, worked on myself, learned about the things that I don't want to go through again, what I am willing to do to make a relationship work...and came to the conclusion that I did everything I could to make this one work, and it didn't. Nothing I can do about it anymore, since the onus isn't on me anymore, and it hasn't been since Mr. fuckface decided to fuck-off. Period.
He sounded like he was still at the same point then when he left. What a waste of time.
Why is it that I am still troubled to hear him again?
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 9:45 AM 6 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Do-over!!!
In a few hours, the new year will begin, and as the prospect of new beginnings suddenly seem possible, last year's bad vibes will get packed up along with the Christmas leftovers, never to be seen again, thank God.
This past year has been very difficult for me; 2006 was a year of abandonment, heartache, anger (oh how anger is energy-consuming....)solitude, major disapointments and tiredness (well, from all that anger!!!) It seems all my energy was used up to get over my broken heart, still very fragile and sore. But as I look back on the year that is just about to end, I also see that it's a year where I truly learned about coping with solitude and not dying from it, at the same time realising that doing everything on your own is a hell of a lot of work; caring for my children and making a comfortable and fun life for them; it's also the year where I met M. and K., two kindred spirits who washed up on the shores of Ottawa, a bit in a daze after living in London, Paris and St-Martin's. Their presence in this way too conservative town made me feel less alone and their friendship means a lot to me; my friend S. who cheers me up every chance she gets, hopefully this year I will be able to do the same for her; plus 2006 was the year my career as a translator really started to take off, if I play this right 2007 could be even better; I started to work on my novel again, and will be done sometime in 2007...I also saw Paris for the first time, and had the chance to meet Blue, a fellow translator and blogger who was kind enough to show me around her Paris and to be a friend, and reading her blog Eurostar Blues (you can find the link in my blogroll) cheered me up all year long; and for that I am thankful!
I think the trick is to look at the things that went right and not at the things that went wrong in 2006. This way we can all focus on positive instead of negative. Like Blue told me this past August : "Y'a toujours du positif dans le négatif!" (There's always positive in negative!)
So cheers to you, my friends, wherever you are tonight, I will raise my glass to you.
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 12:58 PM 2 people had something to say
Labels, love Candid Bridges
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Recovering from heartbreak
Did you ever feel like you had accomplished everything you had planned for, and that you just didn't know what do to next? The number of possibilities that arise either in your head or bouncing off your friend's minds all seem like good ideas, but nothing really suits your fancy... Nothing grabs your attention...know what I mean? Lost, lost, you are lost...what to do next? Where to go? and most of with WHOM????
As you already know, I have been living here in Ottawa for a little over 18 months now, and I was happy for about ....hum...let me think...close to 3 months. Before my stupid English boyfriend bailed out on me & the kids to go back to his precious England without even asking me to go with him. But don't get me started on his case, I really don't feel like getting angry right about now. He's been gone over a year, and even though we still had limited contact through the phone and mostly email, over a year has passed (WOW where did the bloody time go) and that chapter should be closed, terminated, over and done with by now.
NEXT!!!! right?
It's pointless to get stuck in a moment you can't get out of...Agree? But then again, easier said than done. Stories of heartbreak...I'm sure everybody has at least one...Love is the most craved feeling and the most dreaded. Just thinking about icky dangerous beautiful LOOOOVE freaks me out...Actually, I think I'm still so sad and angry that my last relationship didn't work out the way I had hoped (Emotionally scorned women unite, please) that getting myself in the same situation AGAIN scares me half to death. But then again, I walk around life scared half to death most of the time anyway, it's just that...nobody can tell. I give out this image of a strongminded powerful able woman, which I am, don't get me wrong, I am a single mother, I raise two kids...I study, I'm a translator, a writer, a bitch-a lover-a sinner and a saint (Thank you Meredith Brooks but I could really get that lover and sinner thing going on if you know what I mean...Ottawa males are not very cooperative) but....Inside, I'm really just an insecure little girl who's waiting for her prince charming. Although at my age I'm hoping more for king charming. There. I said it. Trouble is, there seems to be a whole lot of creepy frogs out there. Please, somebody, shoot me now!!! I'm sick! I just had an attack of the cinderella syndrome!!! AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH. But I'm so tired of having to do everything all by myself!!! WHERE is he??? Girls ! Please! Help me out!
Scribbled madly by Bridges @ 10:31 AM 0 people had something to say
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