Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Inner confusion is nothing new

"On my way in" by C. Masse

Sunday, November 26, 2006

An old letter to a man I loved

I can't sleep.
But it's OK; I'm used to it now.
I don't try to fight it anymore.
I just do something else.
Read.
Write.
Anything.
Anything to keep me from not sleeping.
Tonight, anything to keep me from not sleeping with you.

I'm like you P. Except that when insomnia strikes, I can't shake it off. I just have to live it. I can't stop my mind from racing and being one (or even two) steps ahead of me, trying to take control of the train of thought that put me there in the first place. I always try to make sense out of things that don't have to, or try to make things fit perfectly where they don't have to be. It takes lots of work, and you always have to start over, but I'm learning to let things happen to me, and not try to explain it all. Sometimes I laugh at the whole irony of life, but mostly, I'm amazed by the fact that we usually get what we wished for, but never in the way we planned or expected it.

Get it?

Here's a little story (sorry, the mummy in me can't help it) you probably already heard, (or read) but, I'm sure, never by me. Here goes.

GETTING BACK ON YOUR LOST TRAIN OF THOUGHT
By Bridges Lafleur

A woman and her two kids were cast away on a deserted island after the plane her soon to be ex-husband flew over the Pacific Ocean crashed. Always prepared and thinking ahead, that woman had equiped her children and herself with waterproof parachutes. Her credulous husband, who never thought of filling up the plane with gas because he was used to everything beeing taken care of, kept saying WE'RE FINE! NO PROBLEM! EVERYTHING'S OK! UH HONEY DID YOU FILL UP THE TANK BEFORE WE LEFT? But when the plane started to cough and spin and take a dive straight for the big blue, he looked over his shoulders only to see that his wife & kids had already jumped to save their own asses. WHAT ABOUT ME? He said, in dismay at the whole situation. WHO'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF ME?

And the plane crashed into the ocean.

Meanwhile, the woman and her two kids were hovering over the ocean in their parachutes, heading for an island that was OH! miraculously placed on their paths. The woman, who was very strongminded and determined, already started her rescue plan while she was still in the air : she would build a raft, grab the kids, get the hell off this rock and go back home where they would all be safe again.

She wished for help, but didn't believe it could happen. This woman was not very religious; she could do everything by herself, no higher power involved. She only had faith in her own powers, and never counted on anyone's help but her own.

As soon as they all touched ground, she started building a raft with trees, leaves, potato spuds, old milwaukee beer bottles that were floating around, and by tearing apart an old boat that was abandonned on the island; it looked in bad shape, but she had no choice, she needed pieces of it to build her little raft if she wanted to go back home! So she tore it apart, having the kids help her with her deconstruction-reconstruction project.

She worked hard, she was determined. While she concentrated at her VERY important task, boats went by the island, planes flew over the island, a magical sea serpent even came by; she never noticed, she was too busy building the raft. Even the kids tried to talk to her. KIDS, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY??? She said, angry for beeing distracted from her work. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE HELP ME? WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ALONE? And she kept on hammering some gizmo to the raft.

TAC TAC TAC
Another plane flew over the island.
huh....MOM?
TAC TAC TAC
A parade of sea monkeys came along and took the kids away to the circus.
Bye Mom!
TAC TAC TAC

After days and nights of relentless work, she finally did it : the raft was ready. She hoped on, and floated back home. It took her a long time, and the venture was not easy, like a bumpy plane ride she remembered. She was hungry, thirsty, but most of all, horny as hell. But she did it! By herself, no one helped her.

Back home, the kids were playing with the sea monkeys, the plane pilots, the boat captains (and their mermaids, of course) and the magical sea serpent. They were having a hell of a party; balloons and coconut juice were all over the place.

-WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? Everybody said.
-WELL EXCUSE ME, I WAS BUSY BUILDING A RAFT!
-A FUCKING RAFT? (That was the captain, he swears like a sailor) DIDN'T YOU SEE THE BOATS? THE PLANES? THE SERPENT? THE FUCKING SEA MONKEYS?
-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU CRAZY LUNATIC? (All that time on the island made the woman a little edgy)
-I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR SORRY ASS! WE WERE ALL HAVING A GREAT PARTY HERE, AND IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO GET BACK, IT'S ALREADY TIME FOR US TO LEAVE!

“Oh well.” She said. “ At least I did it by myself...”

Needless to say, that woman was focused. All that time she was working on that raft, she could have been having fun with the kids, the captain, and the sea monkeys.

Speaking of which, one of the monkeys whispered in the kids' ears before they left, engaging in a conga line-up with the captain as their leader :

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT AND NEVER SEE IT PASS YOU BY, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR GLASSES, OR SOMEONE TO SEND YOU BACK YOUR LOST KEYS IN THE MAIL.

But hey.
Maybe that's just me.

I miss you lots my Englishman lost in space.
Time to go to bed.

Traded Breast cancer benefit for sister support

Finally made it back home. I had a rather lazy Friday evening...I had intended to go out at Breast yourself benefit, but when I got to my parent's home my sister was there with her new beau & oh-so cute 2 1/2 years old daughter; she was going through a bit of a depressive phase and wanted to ask me about a few "divorce pointers" since I have experience in that domain...

My sister is having a fit because she's just realized that at 30 years old, she has a) no valuable diploma, b) no house c) no kids and d) no job. BUT my take on it was the following :

a) Go to school now! You're just 30 for crisse sake's!
b) you have no mortgage!
C) You have NO KIDS!!!
d) just get a new job!

OK, ok. Easier said than done, I know. But she's free....she can do anything, go anywhere, pack up her things and go wherever the wind takes her... I for one would trade some of the responsabilities that I have to be free like she can right now.

After that talk with my sis, I watched the "SIX FEET UNDER" series finale for the second time. What a great show! It changed my life forever :)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Getting started

Well the train is on its track.

I'm leaving tomorrow for Montreal, where I will attend the "Breast yourself" benefit for breast cancer research. A night out with the girls for a good cause, sounds like fun. Hope I can make it on time though; I will be leaving Ottawa around 5 o clock and it starts at 7 h30...I have to drop off the kids at their dad's before that, make myself pretty and respectable, and then drive downtown to la Société des arts technologiques(SAT) on boulevard St-Laurent...if you see a mad woman driving down St-Denis street tomorrow night in a night blue Honda, it just might be me... http://www.breastyourself.com Tell you all about it when I get back!