Divorce terrorism 101

Oh, the tangled webs we weive in divorce. It's not enough to deal with your own pain, sorrow, regrets and anger - you often have to put up with a person you don't understand / love/want around anymore whose main goal in life becomes the constant aggravation and persecution of thee. I was relatively lucky in my divorce - First of all, I was the instigator and not the "victim", and that plays a big part in the whole thing, and was clever enough to steer the process without loosing too many assets. My psychological state - well, that's a whole other story all together - was in shambles, but I worked it through, got help, and managed to save my life and preserve my children's. I was the sole caregiver to my babies, and their father became the every other weekend dad (more so when we moved from Montreal to Ottawa 3 years ago) much to his displeasure and dismay. I wear, still to this day, the stigma of the ex-wife bitch, if the shoe fits, I say, even though the relationship with the father of my children was more of an avoidance of one than anything else - conversations were always very short and impersonnal, limited to "when are you picking up the kids" and "Have a good weekend" with lots of underlying tensions tinted with resentment and blame on his part, and contempt and anger from mine. 7 years have passed since then mind you, so the pain and anger are not as vivid as they used to be - and the recent tug-o-war in court did play a part in reducing his animosity towards me - he took me to court to reduce his child support payments and won - the fact that I was travelling 3 times a year, driving a new car, taking the kids to Universal Studios (because I was now a professional translator, which I was not at the time of the divorce, I was a penny-less stay at home mom) did not help him to see me in a positive light or do anything to make me more likeable - who cares if I was raising the children by myself all the time, with all the expenses, in time & money, that it implies - I don't think his brain would allow him to see it that way - he kept on seeing me as the bitch who ran off to Ottawa with his kids and managed to eat a big chunk of his (however impressive) paycheck. Him winning in court though, I think , did damper lots of animosity directed towards me - it was hard for me but hey, can't win everytime, all is fair in love and war - finally, he had actually WON something against yours truly - therefore injecting a little viagra in his self-esteem - and enough water had passed under the Bridges to give me enough perspective on things, therefore being able to look back and clearly see where I had gone wrong, where I had acted to save my own mental sanity and when I had felt justified to channel the amazon in me - and of course, my share of responsibilities in the whole messy thing. With time, I can honestly say that my ex-husband acted responsibly most of the time, and that he was (and is) a good father, but a terrible, terrible husband. And notwithstanding this "amende honorable", I still can't stand him. But I can live with it.